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In the final part of this trilogy I will round things off by looking at car parks and most importantly… Food!


I’ve divided the parking into the three main scenarios that we tend to encounter whilst arriving to a game by car.


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To be fair most of the venues are pretty good for parking and there’s only a few that are actually piss-poor. This is the gold standard situation where you arrive and there’s spaces everywhere, to the point where you wonder if you’re even in the right place. Doesn’t even matter if the BMW’s have parked like twats across three bays here. 


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This is the one where there’s no organisation at all. There’s people parking all over the shop. Cars dumped in made-up spaces and some over on the grass. Wherever you leave your vehicle it will undoubtedly get blocked in by some moron. 


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Mainly in London, you can arrive three hours before kickoff and there’s still nowhere to park. You have to drive around the block and find somewhere suitable to dump your motor. You think you’ll be fine because it’s a Sunday but it never is fine. After lugging your kit all the way to and from the venue you will sometimes be met with a lovely yellow ticket on your windshield. Luckily I’ve always bummed a lift off someone else so I just make sure to get out of the car ASAP. Wembley Stallions & London Warriors spring to mind.


LINEMAN ASSEMBLE!!! This is what keeps these well-oiled beasts going on a game day. Coaches always preach of a sensible, healthy breakfast before a game, but we all know a greasy Full English gets these guys playing at a much higher level. Let’s take a look at the standard game-day options for the post-game feed. 


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The legend in the ice cream van is always greatly appreciated on a hot summers day. He doesn’t even have to play his stupid music he just plonks his van over in the corner and naturally draws in the fatties. Grab yourself a cheeky Calippo for a quick energy boost before the game. 


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Yes yes yes!!! This is what we like to see. Usually ran by a lovely volunteer, the smell of the onions frying is enough to get your juices flowing. Some coaches will call strictly run plays just to get the game over with so they can go and have a double cheeseburger. The post game team talk practically takes place in the queue. Keep an eye out for those sneaky linemen that nip over at halftime for what they claim is a protein boost. Fat bastards.


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Unless you’re a massive fan of pork scratchings and dry roasted peanuts from the bar this isn’t the one for you. You wish you’d brought a bloody packed lunch at this place. You think maybe they will put on some food in the bar after the game but even if they do it’s gone before you get there. A shocking state of affairs. If you ever encounter this situation then the next one is for you…..


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Winning a game is great but nothing beats that feeling of seeing the Golden Arches on the side of the motorway after it. You’ve been working your ass off all afternoon and now it’s time to reward yourself. As the team bus arrives at the services watch as everyone splits off into groups. The cavemen all go to KFC for a dirty great bucket, half the group head to McDonalds and the weirdos go and pick up a healthy meal deal from M&S for about £15. What a time to be alive!!! Avoid those fruit machines. 

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