We have entered the dark ages we have no football to keep us warm on a Sunday night and us NFL bloggers are left with little to do. We could spend time with our loved ones who we have so often ignored during the NFL season or we can come up with clickbait articles that will entice you the britball public in.
So on that note as we await confirmation as to when the BAFA season will start I decided to give teams some ideas to generate buzz. Sure you could put a poster up in your local sporting goods shop, but why aim low, lets twin some of the BAFA teams with NFL counterparts.
Now we only have 32 teams that we can pair up, if your team was not linked don’t be offended, you’ll probably be included next year when I run out of content ideas and do this again.
ARIZONA CARDINALS – KENT EXILES
Both are heavily hyped teams that are stuck in divisions with opponents who are much better than them and will inevitably fall apart in another two years.
ATLANTA FALCONS – BERKSHIRE RENEGADES
Atlanta is known as the strip club capital of the USA. Little known fact Berkshire has 17 strip clubs to serve its population of 154,000 people. Worth considering when arranging those preseason scrimmages.
BALTIMORE RAVENS – MERSEYSIDE KNIGHTHAWKS
Anyone who has watched The Wire knows that this makes perfect sense.
BUFFALO BILLS – EDINBURGH WOLVES
A big market that opponents hate to travel to and a history of glorious failure whenever they reach a final this one is a little too perfect. They can even swap signature dishes as a cultural exchange the Bills get chips with salt and sauce and the Wolves get Buffalo wings.
CAROLINA PANTHERS – OXFORD SAINTS
Both teams success are built around one player.
CINCINNATI BENGALS – SHROPSHIRE REVOLUTION
Both have some of the worst uniforms in the league.
CLEVELAND BROWNS – BRISTOL AZTECS
They show signs of promise and have enough talent but they can never get out of their own way.
CHICAGO BEARS – YORKSHIRE RAMS
Both are built around solid defensive play and boring offence.
DALLAS COWBOYS – EAST KILBRIDE PIRATES
Both teams cling on to the success of the past and overstate their relevance and standing in the current era. Neither actually play in the town that they are named after.
DENVER BRONCOS – SOLENT THRASHERS
Denver have the unfair advantage of mile high stadium. Solent have the unfair advantage of playing directly on the sun.
DETROIT LIONS – LANCASHIRE WOLVERINES
Both are economically depressed areas and I wouldn’t touch the tap water in either.
GREEN BAY PACKERS – LONDON BLITZ
Both used to be powerhouses are always in the conversations during pre-season but we all know they won’t be holding the trophy at the end.
HOUSTON TEXANS – RUSHMOOR KNIGHTS
The Texans have Jack Easterby pulling the strings and the Knights have Steve.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS – LONDON OLYMPIANS
Good pedigree, able to beat up on the lesser teams but when it comes to the games that matter they can’t get over the hump.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS – MANCHESTER TITANS
A beloved QB a fun offence and a team that we will look back on and say they should have won more.
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS – CORNWALL MONARCHS
Just like the Chargers, the Monarchs are promising but just like the Chargers are irrelevant in LA because of the Rams, and so to the Monarchs are irrelevant because of the mighty Trojans. Both teams should look to relocate if they want to matter. The South West is Trojan country.
LOS ANGELES RAMS – TORBAY TROJANS
Sun, sea, sex and Torquay. The Trojans are the entertaining juggernaut of SFC 2 West. A top-heavy team who should be viewed as contenders just like the Rams will be next year.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS – CLYDE VALLEY BLACKHAWKS
Terrible quarterback play and fleeting moments of “success” more known for off field infighting than anything else.
MIAMI DOLPHINS – BIRMINGHAM BULLS
Best days were long ago but they will still bring them up to anyone within a 2-meter radius.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS – CHESTER ROMANS
Had thier chance to shine but the day has gone as the division is way too strong for them.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS – LONDON WARRIORS
Death Taxes and the Patriots in the Super Bowl, you can say the same about the Warriors. They can even twin the going dark initiative so we will never know if this does happen.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS – TAMWORTH PHOENIX
Both teams have won it once and the head coaches are desperate to win it again to show that it was not a fluke. They both have the best uniform combo in the league this makes sense. Tamworth socials type like they have been on a mardi gras bender anyway.
NEW YORK GIANTS – NORWICH DEVILS
Had success not too long ago but now is back in there rightful place languishing amongst the bottom feeders.
NEW YORK JETS – JURASSIC COAST RAPTORS
Raptors take over from the Pumas as most inept franchise in the UK. Just change the fucking name.
LAS VEGAS RAIDERS – ESSEX SPARTANS
I guess Essex is kind of like Las Vegas if TOWIE is to be believed. Both are places you only want to go for a limited amount of time and avoid the locals as much as possible.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES – SOUTH WALES WARRIORS
The Eagles fan base is one of the most angry and ill tempered in the NFL, the same can be said of the South Wales Warriors players.
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS – GATESHEAD SENATORS
Both have a million ways to run the same run play and both teams coaches wish they had a better QB.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS – ABERDEEN ROUGHNECKS
Cold, grey, wet and a city that stinks of fish.
PITTSBURGH STEELERS – SANDWELL STEELERS
Lets just give it to them they clearly want it.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS – LEICESTER FALCONS
Tampa Bay successfully bought there way to a championship not unli(SECTION REMOVED BY LAWYERS).
TENNESSEE TITANS – BURY SAINTS
The Titans success has been built around Arthur Smith and his brilliant play calling now that he has gone Tennessee should come back down to earth. Kind of like the Saints when all the Americans went away.
WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM – SHEFFIELD GIANTS
Both had problematic team names that had to be changed, but if we are all honest we preferred them to the current rebrands. Both are a long way from competing again.