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Now, as many of you know, I’m a big fan of getting your money’s worth out of things. You get what you pay for, buy cheap – buy twice and all that old nonsense.

I’ve worked my way through various boots and gloves that have limped their way over the finish line in a season and I’ll admit to having spray painted a helmet or two, but over the years I’ve seen some absolutely crazy bits of kit that originated in the 80s/90s and were in no way safe to use. I’ve also seen things like gloves that were more tape than glove.

We all know them, we’ve all seen them, so I asked some friends for some examples. While I won’t name names, I’ll just list some absolute belters that came up.

“Forearm pads with hand protectors in a dirty brown colour”

“14 year old lids”

“Girdles that stunk and were barely stitched together.”

“Helmets that have been spray painted a minimum of four times”

“Concussion master 4000s’ from the 80s made of solid plastic…”

“25 year old shoulder pads”

“Cleats from the early 2000’s and anything with the brand ‘Bike’ or ‘Neumann”

One famous player was mentioned a few times that that wore a rugby jersey under his kit and played OL into what must’ve been his 60’s with kit that seemed to come from the same era.

I wasn’t going to name names, but you know what, f**k it, he won’t mind, he’s gone through more clubs than Tiger Woods, so plenty out there know him – Sandy Kyriacou, for the love of god. Whatever you’re doing, change your kit!!

So there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen, examples of the good folk of Britball getting their money’s worth. With the help of the good people of The Amelie Fund, maybe, just maybe, we can keep these atrocities off the pitch and banish them to the history books.

Frank.

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